Best Practice Advisory: Stop Going to Birthday Dinners (A Guide on Financial Stewardship)
You already know the scene.
Fifteen girls gather at a long table in a low lit private room of a fine dining spot. The uber ride was $50 or alternatively your car is sitting in a sketchy parking garage. You’re counting the hours as dinner goes on - “1-2 hours = $35 and 3-4 = $45…” You’re hoping you can pay the $45 and come back to a car with windows in tact. You order one drink for $15.00 and a meal for under $70.00. The food was okay but you’ve had better and honestly you’re still hungry. The friend of a friend next to you - you’ve met her before, at your friend’s last birthday thing. Yea. - She dines sufficiently with drinks, starters, and marketprice fish. You know that your $95.00 tab + 20% gratuity bill is absolutely a fading hope. You get the bill that everyone splits 14 ways because the birthday girl can’t pay. That’s just rude. $210.00 + $55 parking (you stayed for 4 hours and 20 minutes to take group photos in your $70 outfit that you purchased just for the occasion). At the end of the night you have a new Instagram post that you can be proud of. It’s filled with the “it” girls which establishes your social collateral. You showed up for your friend. (Your friend is still upset that you said no to $30.00 drinks at a lounge after dinner.) You get home and remember that you have 2 more birthdays to attend in the next two months. That means a new outfit, parking/commuting, and another $300-$400 night. F that. This is a financial nightmare.
In 2025, I was the most financially frugal I had ever been while making the most money in my career. A sista had goals. I was purchasing a home, planning a move, and getting rid of debt.
“But I’m a girl on the scene. I have so many friends and a big family. I love indulging in experiences, dining, and garments. How was I stop those things cold turkey? And what would the people say?!”
Here are 5 things that helped me overcome those thoughts:
Make an announcement to your friends. When they understand your mission - it’s much easier to assert (and reassert) boundaries. I used my 34th birthday to tell 20 of my friends that I was NOT playing with my finances. I did NOT have a birthday dinner. I used the party room in my apartment, ordered food, facilitated some games, and told them, “We have homes, let’s use them.” My understanding friends planned low cost/no cost activities - hiking, coffee dates, “bring a dish” home visits, gym dates, FaceTime catch-ups, museums, etc. My non-conforming friends still tried to convince me to go on their international trips or to drinks at new restaurants. You’ll get used to saying, “Hey! Remember my announcement ?!”, “Sorry, that’s not in my budget”, Or just flat out “No ma’am.”
No more birthday dinners (in D.C. specifically.) Don’t organize them and don’t attend them. Find other ways to celebrate your friend. If it means dropping by her house with a homemade gift and a little cake, a coffee or tea date, or sending a $10 gift card to her favorite store - do it. It’s still important to show up for your friend! Some friends will have a harder time adjusting to this but continue reading for more guidance.
Know that more people are in your position, they’re just too chicken sh… to say it. People are in deep debt. They’re seemingly content with new cars, clothes, trips, and luxury but cannot fully enjoy their choices. I don’t let anyone try to convince me to financial obligations through peer pressure (what are we, middle schoolers?) Yes, I’ve driven the same Honda CRV for the past 12 years. Yes, I wore this bag the last time you saw me and isn’t it just adorable?! Yes, I’m declining the invitation to your bachelorette weekend in Bora Bora but I hope you have so much fun! I cannot be bullied into bad decisions.
Be comfortable with repeating an outfit. If you can’t be comfortable, don’t post. I wasn’t active on social media in 2025. It was very easy to wear the same green dress on Easter that I did on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to go that far but disengage from the idea that you need a new outfit for each outing.
Tell yourself, “this won’t be forever.” I’m not going to label myself as the rusty, cheap girl who only survives on bare necessities. I still very much have an abundance mindset and life. I’m just practicing good stewardship! I know just how good it will feel to take that trip to Bora Bora with my financial house in order. I know that I will feel better showing up for my friend and celebrating within a budget that aligns with my life. I have peace in my restraint for overindulgence at my prolonged detriment. Rebrand this era for yourself and understand it’s an era.
Overall, you’ll find such much more peace and confidence. And if you needed any further validation, it will come when friends open up to you about their financial goals and ask for advice! (Trust me, it will happen)
You’ve got this!
